* Names & non-crucial details have been changed for safety reasons.
I was exhausted, frustrated, & LITERALLY on my knees, sobbing uncontrollably, pleading with my fiancé to tell me what I needed to do to make the relationship work.
"Baby, look, I'll do anything, I'm sorr--"
My voice broke and suddenly, I stopped.
My stomach twisted into a knot so tight that I immediately felt the mixture of Bud Light & Patrón swirling in a way that I knew wasn't going to end well for me. I started blinking my eyes, hard, trying to get the tears to clear from my eyes so I could focus.
Focus, Ravynn! Am I-- ... Is he-- ...
As my eyes came into focus, my own thoughts drifted away. . .
I had no words. . . I could feel the blood slowly draining from my face.
Still on my knees, I became wobbly and fell backward, halfway catching myself, my hands clumsily smashed into the floor, my silver bracelet cutting deeply into the soft flesh of my wrist.
As I looked at Tony*, he was half--sitting, leaning against the pool table, slowly drawing a long drag from his cigarette.
Everything went dark around him as if a spotlight of darkness had been ushered from above, beaming down on him, like he was on a theatrical stage.
And the corners of his mouth, ever so slightly, were curved upwards.
It was a smirk.
He was freakin' smirking, laughing at me.
And how still!
He was so eerily still. . .
But nothing compared to what I saw next. . .
Is he--? Is that--
I began to squint, trying to sharpen my sight because my brain wasn't computing what I was seeing.
Then, I think I actually heard my heart stop beating.
Because everything went silent.
I'll never forget what I saw that night, or the exact moment that I realized I knew NOTHING about the man standing in front me.
But what I did know, from that night on, is that:
#1) There was something VERY WRONG with my Tony
#2) I was determined to find out what it was and
#3) Whatever it was, he was A MASTER AT HIDING IT FROM PEOPLE .
But he wasn't hiding anything from me that night.
It was his eyes.
Or...it was something in his eyes.
You guys, they were twinkling , as if I was holding an eighteen-flame, gothic candelabra out in front of him, and that stare --
that sinister stare, as if something not--human was looking back at me, & his brown eyes were GONE !
They just looked like black circles of the swirling abyss staring back at me, LAUGHING AT ME , sadistically ENJOYING the pain I was in.
He was getting off on this.
Did he think this was some sort of game? That's SICK!
To this day, I have no idea what he was thinking, and frankly, I don't want to know.
But the story doesn't end there, in fact, it gets worse.
I was about to find out one of the BIGGEST secrets that he had been hiding from me since day one.
How I wish paid more attention to the signs & RED FLAGS because I could have saved myself a lot of grief, pain, permanent mental trauma, money, therapy, & time.